No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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