My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
