He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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