So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
