..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
