I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
