hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
