Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
