Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
