So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
