Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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