Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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