she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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