You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Your tits are I can't wait for
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Randomize
