you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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