You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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