did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
