You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize