Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
