yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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