I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
