at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
