It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
