so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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