Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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