Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
