weddingsv make me drug and hornr
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
