Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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