Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
