i think i have two assholes
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
