I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
