Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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