i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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