You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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