70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
