I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
