Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize