It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i will never coherently bang her
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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