They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
