community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
