his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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