She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
