yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just pee around me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize