I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
