So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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