So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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