u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
