I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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