I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
