My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
