Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
