margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
