my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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