I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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