Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
