i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
