Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
