I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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