No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I have feelings that need drinking.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
