trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
operation have a gay friend backfired
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
