Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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