dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
