i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
