Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
