my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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