Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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