I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
