Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
