he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
