Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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