She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
barbara walters just said penis...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
