5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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