You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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